This weekend I had several conversations about love and life. Last night, I received a text message stating “you have given me a lot to think about and when you speak you make so much sense to me.” The conversation made me think about a lot of things as well.
Some of us may be desperately trying to recreate the life we once had. Fear, pain, and desperation won’t attract the answer we’re seeking. Desperation attracts desperation. Pain draws pain. And so the downward spiral goes. Yes, the loss hurts. Sometimes life hurt, too. But loss can’t be negotiated.
Becoming obsessed with putting the pieces back into place is an understandable reaction, but it won’t work. Yesterday cannot be superimposed on today. Feel the obsession, and let it go. Feel the desperation, and then release that. Take the moments when everything seems like such a struggle to sit through them.
We cannot repress emotions and truths because we don’t feel our anger and pain; those feelings will show themselves in every interaction that we have. Those unspoken feelings will be the reason we blow up, use hurtful words, and sometimes even use physical aggression.
We face many losses along the way. People we love disappear from our lives; sometimes what is right isn’t right later. Sometimes timing has something better in store for us. And sometimes it doesn’t.
Sometimes what once was won’t ever be again. Sometimes timing just means it isn’t right, and that losing someone creates a space for someone better. Sometimes we do have to lose people and find them again later in life. We may lose a career, money, or something else we valued.
Looking for quick replacements as a way to avoid feeling pain about the loss won’t work. Naturally we seek the shortcuts to happiness……drugs, alcohol, sex, new relationships. We all try to fill a space that only we can fill. And we miss the lessons. Before we can go on, we must feel our sadness about what we lost. Losses demand acceptance.
It’s when we aren’t grounded in our best version of ourselves when we will usually attract or settle for less. We can’t demand something if we are not ourselves being a living, breathing example of what we desire. We can’t expect someone to have goals and dreams, or to want more out of life and we are running on empty ourselves. We can’t expect someone to be faithful or trusting if we are not doing the work.
Cherish this time to grow and learn. The important thing is to understand each day will get a little better.
Michael D. Gatson