What you give and take is the fingerprint your life makes.
When I am going through something or just overwhelmed with my careers, I will take the time to sit down and journal, or research for my next article. It is a form of therapy as I escape from things on my mind, but the past few months I have been in a funk. My two best friends sent me several gifts during this time. In one of the packages, it was a journal and the outside was genuine leather with my initials engraved on the cover. I am not someone who likes to broadcast every high, and I don’t hide every low because of my pain, mistakes, and hurt, but I may have the potential to help someone who is going through their storm. I have been trying to live my life and find a space for healing. It is not my intent to convince the world I have a life.
February is the month of love, and I have received several calls and text from friends who desire to be in a relationship or they are currently with someone, but their needs are not being met. I told one of my friends recently that she needed to be direct with her significant other about her needs. People often think that being direct and asking what someone needs from a relationship with us is too direct, and it will scare them away. How we love and what we need will be an invitation to the right person who is willing to meet our needs. If someone doesn’t want what we want, that’s valuable information.
Listen, if we want to find great partners, and excellent relationships we need to find someone who wants similar things. When people can’t show up to us in emotional conversations and are not willing to try, we get to see that they are not the one for us.
We need to live from a place that recognizes that the right people will be able to hear us, and they will be able to make the space that we need to share to feel safe, and secure. But first we must trust that people can. We must believe that they are capable. We must believe that people can meet us where we need them to be. When we are talking about our needs, this doesn’t mean we should rely on someone else for our personal happiness and self-worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can’t love and respect yourself – no one else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are – completely; the good and the bad – and make changes as YOU see fit – not because you think someone else wants you to be different. You don’t have to change so people will like you, be yourself and the right people will love the real you.
You have the ability to create the unique relationship your heart desires. You can’t ask for honesty and assertive communication if you’re hiding parts of yourself. If you become everything that you want, then you will also have to let go of the belief that someone out there like that doesn’t exist…..because you are existing.
Questions I want you to think about:
1. Why are you in a relationship?
2. Why do you want one?
3. What is the role relationships serve in your life?
When we can answer the questions listed above is when we realize we are capable of selecting people who share the same passion.
And if we are in a relationship we can better align, so we have a common relationship purpose……Because until you answer these questions love will truly be blind.
This weekend I had several conversations about love, and life. Last night, I received a text message stating “you have given me a lot to think about and when you speak you make so much sense to me.” The conversation made me think about a lot of things as well.
Some of us may be desperately trying to recreate the life we once had. But, fear, pain, and desperation won’t attract the answer we’re seeking. Desperation attracts desperation. Pain draws pain. And so the downward spiral goes. Yes, the loss hurts. Sometimes life hurt, too. But loss can’t be negotiated.
Becoming obsessed with putting the pieces back in place is an understandable reaction, but it won’t work. Yesterday cannot be superimposed on today. Feel the obsession, and let it go. Feel the desperation, and then release that. Take the moments when everything seems like such a struggle to sit through them. We cannot repress emotions and truths because we don’t feel our anger and pain; those feelings will show themselves in every interaction that we have. Those unspoken feelings will be the reason we blow up, use hurtful words, and sometimes even physical aggression.
We face many losses along the way. People we love disappear from our lives; sometimes what is right isn’t right later. Sometimes timing has something better in store for us. And sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes what once was won’t ever be again. Sometimes timing just means it isn’t right, and that losing someone creates a space for someone better. Sometimes we do have to lose people and find them again later in life. We may lose a career, money, or something else we valued.
Looking for quick replacements as a way to avoid feeling pain about the loss won’t work. Naturally we seek the shortcuts to happiness……drugs, alcohol, sex, a new relationship. We all try to fill a space that only we can fill. And we will miss the lessons. Before we can go on, we must feel our sadness about what we lost. Losses demand acceptance.
It’s when we aren’t grounded in our best version of ourselves is when we will usually attract or settle for less. We can’t demand something if we are not ourselves being a living, breathing example of what we desire. We can’t expect someone to have goals and dreams, or to want more out of life and we are running on empty ourselves. We can’t expect someone to be faithful, or trusting, if we are not doing the work.
Cherish this time to grow and learn. The important thing is to understand each day will get a little better. ~Michael D. Gatson