Talking with my friends this week who are not happy about being single for Valentines this year I decided to write a note about love. The big question that everyone should ask themselves this Valentines: “Am I ready for love?” I have been on both ends of the spectrum when it comes to this question. I have been in love before, and I have searched for love. Something that I have come to realize through education and experience is a good relationship, is not a game or a fairytale; it is about experiencing love between two people.
The ability to love someone is one of the greatest joys we can ever experience; but at the same time, it can hurt. Loving someone means you are willing to experience the good and the bad. Someone may pose the question, “when does it hurt?” It can hurt when the other person does something very detrimental to you, and it hurts when you see that person enduring pain and sadness.
Loving someone takes a lot of effort. It is imperative to listen to each other unless you are dating a psychic (lol). Respect your partner for who they are and not what you want them to be. True love sees and accepts a person for who they are. It is also true love that makes change for the better.
Every day, everywhere, people fall in love but just how many of these relationships are self-sacrificing love, and not just relationships which are formed only for the intense feeling of falling in love? I know hundreds of friends who say “I love you” without it having actual meaning. There is a big difference between being in love with someone and loving someone. If a person says, they are in love with you, which means they liked you for who you are now and he/she fell in love with the present you. But if a person says “I love you,” they mean that they love you unconditionally for who you are now, who you were in the past and who you might be in the future. When they say they love you and mean it, you have to ask yourself ” if you love him/her too or if you’re in love with the idea of being in love.” It is very hard to see the difference through logical thinking.
The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings. Do not be a slave to the unavailable. Allow yourself the opportunity to love and be loved! The most significant relationship you have is your relationship with yourself. While we learn to accept others, we also need to get to love and accept ourselves. The truth is that you can’t give something that you do not possess within yourself.
I am always reminding myself I am mine before I am ever anyone else’s. Self-Love doesn’t just go with the flow, choose the flow you go with. Don’t outsource your self love definition. Treat problems like old pictures: reframe them. Do not forget the lesson from your history. Let your heart guide you in your present & future situations!