As a therapist, I hear a variety of everything from individuals. My friends and family consult with me about everything. This year I have heard several times about people are ready for this year to end. Recently, someone told me they regret a lot of the decisions they made. Personally, 2016 started out a little rocky, but after MLK weekend I evaluated a few things and decided I did not want to deal with several things, and I didn’t want to feel like that anymore, so I made some personal changes. For the first time in a long time, I woke up to choices and patterns that led me down a road of destruction. At that moment I noticed that I should have ended some things a long time ago. I had a choice to feel guilty, or live with regrets, or find some compassion for the choices I made. The pain and rejection were information that I needed to evolve into the next chapter of my life. The thing about a lesson is once you learn them; you don’t have to revisit them again. Everything happens for a reason. Don’t stress the could haves.
I remember having a conversation with my coworker/friend, and she was explaining to me that 2016 was her year of “Yes.” I encouraged her to step out on faith and trust the process, and explore opportunities. During that conversation, I told my coworker that this would be my year of “NO.” 2016 was a year of me learning that to whom much is given…….saying “NO” may be required. I made a decision to focus on building myself, and if it wasn’t about advancing or elevating me personally or professionally then, the answer was “NO.” I was only interested in building myself emotionally, spiritually, financially, and mentally.
The remainder of 2016 has been an excellent chapter on my journey on this thing we call life. I was able to regain my focus and close out one of the most challenging hurdles in my life since boot camp, and I am counting down the days to graduation. I don’t have regrets about sacrificing and taking breaks from school to help someone. I can learn from the mistakes, and keep it moving.
Career wise I have been blessed with several opportunities to work with PESI as a consultant and travel to new cities meeting new people. Another opportunity I was blessed to receive a call from someone who attended one of my workshops and extended the offer for me to teach at The Catholic University Master of Social Work Program. Receiving the request to teach has been a blessing because it reminded me how much I missed and loved teaching about the knowledge that I have learned over the years with my future colleagues. My real estate business has been doing very well, and I was able to assist with several refinance opportunities. Last but not least, I met someone that I wasn’t expecting to meet, but now I can’t imagine my life without them. As I am closing out 2016, I still have a few strained relationships that I am not 100% happy about, but it takes two people to make a relationship work. I am still praying about each of those situations, but I refuse to stress over spilled milk.
You can’t expect for things to be perfect every day. You will make mistakes when it comes to love, life, career, and personal relationships. There will be moments when you will be the best and worst version of yourself. Take accountability, and commit yourself to living at your highest level of knowledge.
You will have moments on your personal journey where you will struggle, but remember you are human. Life is about making the mistakes, but learning how to become a better person. Be gentle with yourself, and remain committed to growing and learning from the mistakes of 2016 so you can continue to offer compassion for all of the new lessons that will come your way.
Life is what you make of it and if you choose to find the silver lining in situations; your struggles suddenly become your triumphs. We are in December make the last chapter of 2016 a great one.
Each year our birthday comes around & we began reminiscing about the past, the ups & down, and relationships that ended and began. This year has been about change, growth, heartbreak, closing and starting new chapters, and discovering what I truly deserve but not knowing or fearful of what the future holds. I will admit it can be scary when you come face to face with our reality that we are in a place; we don’t want to be in anymore. That can be a feeling, a situation but don’t fear them because it is a good space to be in because we are about to make some changes. So, often the next step in our growth is letting go so we can continue to evolve and expand. Friends and family are included in this.
The year has been a transition, but I am thankful for the growth in my career and personal life. Sometimes, you are the one who has to leave situations, feelings, and people behind. When it comes to friends, family, and significant others, sometimes we need to allow them to work on themselves because they won’t do it while you are providing everything for them in their life. It is a weird place praying for someone to change and reach their full potential and grow up, and year after year it’s no change. Maybe it is because they don’t want to make any changes, or they are not ready to admit they are not good at some things, and maybe us leaving is exactly what is needed for them to be in space to grow. When we consistently stay and neglect our happiness, we are enabling their behaviors. They will tell you I will see a therapist and start missing or canceling appointments. The excuses start to become more frequent and no movement from them.
We can’t change people. They have to want to make some change. They have to demonstrate that they are taking the actions that indicate a change. Words do not have value if they are not supported behind actions. Trust me, if people want something or someone bad enough they will make the necessary changes. I know so many individuals who are in love with people and dating them based purely on their potential and not who they are being. They see endless possibilities in the person, and yet, that person has never shown a glimpse or desire to change and grow in that direction. You cannot motivate, and convince anyone to become anything that they are not moving towards. They can talk all about it, but our choices reflect our priorities, so look at what they’re choosing.
Just make sure you are not asking them to be someone else to be with you because that type of request has a short shelf life and eventually the real person will show their face or some people spend their entire life mirroring each other fakeness and becomes very exhausting over time. If we let people sit in the gap of ambivalence, we give our amazingness away to people who will never know our value.
It can be tough to become AWARE when we are in a relationship. We can never limit our growth for someone else. We can invite our family, friends, and significant others to join us on our journey of growth, but it is impossible to sustain a dead space for another in the long term. It will lead to resentment and pain, and we began to shrink ourselves to meet them rather than inviting them to grow into us.
As I continue on my journey to empower and encourage others, I am learning the true meaning of the favor of God. The more you give and strive to help others improve their life, the more your life improves. My life has been enriched with a new love, endless opportunities, adventures, and experiences. Today I am celebrating another year of life and starting a new chapter in my personal memoir but excited about what God has in store for me on my journey and the feeling of accomplishment.
Thank you for all the birthday cards, wishes, gifts, calls, text, emails, and social media post.
This morning I was reading my daily word before starting my day at work. I haven’t blogged in a few months because I have been busy enjoying life. Before I went to bed, last night I thought I am exhausted and I have to be at work in the morning, but I glanced over, and I felt a great feeling coursing through my veins. I felt happy, love, at peace, and excited about a lot of things and what the future holds.
My patients ask me all the time “How do I find peace, joy, love, and happiness in my life?” Changing yourself is a skill, a decision, and a process, and all three usually takes time. Continuing to remove old, negative feelings, and outdated beliefs. Stay committed to healing and discovering your souls, even when you question if it is worth it. Loving yourself. Love others. Self-love comes from understanding even the deepest and most painful parts of our story, and loving it. Self-love is important because when we fall in love with ourselves, we allow other people to love us because we deserve it. When we choose us, we meet other individuals who choose themselves, and they make our lives and our mornings ever so much brighter even if you are not a morning person like me.
Stay committed to your personal growth process until you can smile at night before falling asleep and ask yourself, What is that strange feeling? Then know what the answer is. The answer is joy. We are all entitled to more fulfillment, joy, love, and meaning in life because they’re in a minority of things that are limitless in supply. Happiness is the seasoning; fulfillment is the meal~MDG
(TGIPF) This morning I was listening to Fantasia “Bump what your friends say” and the song made me think about a lot of things. If you are feeling confused, alone, unsure of what to do next, go back to a place you can trust—– your heart. In matters of work, money, love, go back to your heart. Are you unsure of the map, uncertain of the next step on your journey, or wondering how to untangle the mess of a broken heart? The answers are not in your head, it’s in your heart. It’s not outside of you, although sometimes we receive guidance from others. The answers you’re seeking, the guidance you’re seeking needs to feel right to you. It needs to resonate with your heart. Have a blessed weekend!
I am learning to give but not allow myself to be used. It is important to love but do not allow your heart to be abused. Trust but don’ t be naive. Listen to others, but don’t lose your own voice.
Happy Hump Day: When we relinquish control of our lives to someone else, we also relinquish responsibility for our happiness, our well-being, our growth, and our choices. It’s healthy to want to be nurtured by someone. I admit when I am not feeling 100 it’s something I need. A significant other can make our lives easier. We are sent helpers, friends, and lovers. I am learning the difference between receiving help and support and being controlled. There’s a difference to surrendering to love and surrendering to control. Therapist Corner: Don’t make other people responsible for delineating your boundaries. It’s your job to take responsibility for your choices, happiness, your well-being, your comings, your goings, and your own journey. Start to set yourself free. Love exists only where freedom exists. Create relationships that are equal. Sometimes you have to tell yourself “no more” to achieve more in life. You are responsible for your own happiness.
I have had a lot of my friends near and far experiencing heartbreak within the past few months. My advice before you invest your feelings please take time to talk and make sure you are on the same page with the person you are dating. Sometimes what we cling to tightest is what we most desperately need to let go. Heartbreak can be a prerequisite for fulfillment. I know what it is like to have my heartbroken, and I know we can’t rush healing, but we make it welcome.
The past two nights I have been talking with someone about pain, hurt, love, and how to heal from your past. Yes, we all have been hurt and have walls built up but it is important to open your hear to the universe. Let it bring you love and comfort. Let it bring you healing. Let it take you back to your past long enough to heal, so you can move into your joy.